sagg napoli

Only Monument I Wanna Feel

december 17th december 21st 2020

learning to feel

learning to accept I can feel

in order to not feel, to disassociate from feeling, I have learnt how to vanish

like when you submerge your body in a warm bath,

first your knees like small hills go out of sight

then the round of your stomach, chest

shoulders

slowly your ears are submerged in warm silence and the world around you becomes a distant murmur

far off footsteps, like you’re floating belly up in the middle of the ocean

both inside and outside of yourself

but I am the thing

I am not the water

how do I become the water?

how do you practice feeling fully without feeling too much,

accept feeling fully…

have you been able to move your body recently?

what does it feel like?

if you close your eyes can you feel each muscle move?

feel your breath race through your body kissing each muscle

waking them up

I mimic the ocean with each breath,

gentle waves,

I see the ocean

smell it

who told me it was not ok to feel this much? So I stop feeling as it reaches my neck

and before I choke I swallow the feeling whole

sat in my stomach and grew

sometimes bigger, sometimes deeper

swallowing air doesn’t make you feel lighter

swallowing your own air is like eating ghosts

let it pass through,

let it vibrate

reverberate, ripple, reach out

you can reach out.

an emission of harmonic sounds

learning how to breathe I will learn how to feel

harmony in breath and feeling

how do you feel?

how do you actually do it?

feel.

how do you feel from the soles of your feet right up to the crown of your skull and then out again

out into your ancestral pathway

learn to breathe

through your whole body

Oct 2020

how does time feel?

how does it stretch?

what does sunlight bring and how do I honour it?

what am I growing?

what am I shedding?

tuning into seasonal growth

in the same way the leaves are falling

what am I leaving behind that does not serve me now

and will not serve me

later?

hear the outside world

feel

the outside world

let things move through and off me with breath

sharing each others breath

protecting each others breath

amplifying each others breath

Cairo Clarke, London, December 2020